Slop Buckets And Morning Plop Plops

Written by joeybabe25

Monday, 24 March 2008


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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The gas station across the street from my apartment doesn't open until 7am, so I took my morning plop plops at the pay toilet down the hall from my apartment. Both stalls are a dime, and it would make more sense to shit in the pay hole down the hall, but now that the apartment house owner has added toilets for transexuals, bi, gay, men, women, and hermaphrodite's, plus extra toilets for undetermined sex, it gets really confused and crowded down there so I usually wait till 7 to crap in the gas station pay stall.

But I was having little doo doo babies this morning, so I needed to move all of my bowels in a hurry, about 5:30, so I used the pay toilet for men down the hall. I was sitting there grunting out the stool kids, and I got to thinking. I think we all know that some of our greatest ideas come while filling up a pay toilet with shit. Don't you agree?

I usually eat my breakfast from my slop bucket just after waking about 5:30. Being Jewish, I naturally have two sets of slop buckets, one for meat and one for milk. I used to mark one with an M for meat, and the other M for Milk. But that was confusing, since M is the same letter for both. So I crossed the M off of my milk bucket and drew a D for dairy. And so far I've been successful with this system.I usually fill my sloppers with all kinds of meat and dairy dishes that I filch from the samples they give away in supermarkets.

My meat bucket usually has some salami, chicken pupicks (I think that's the dick), old hamburger meat and other slip slops I find as I travel around town, sick to my stomach. My dairy slop bucket usually has milk from the breasts of homeless women at 7/11, ice cream sandwiches I steal from the Good Humor man (I usually stick my hand in the freezer while he tries to pick up a kid...the sicko) and other cool dairy products that are approved by the Kosher authorities.

So this morning while moving my bowels, I thought wouldn't it be fine if I could rig up a way to eat breakfast from my slop buckets and make my morning plop plops at the same time. I would gather everything the night before, and when I woke, I could either take my breakfast down to the pay toilet at the gas station or take my chances with the freaks in my apartment's shit hole.

In any event I could get maybe an extra 15 minutes of sleep, PLUS eat and shit at the same time!

I'll need time to think about this. What do you think?

Joe Postove

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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