A Kansas woman, having spent the last quarter century emptying her bowels was finally released from her white enamel prison today, saying "I was caught short after a Big Mac but I didn't think I'd be on the throne for 25 years."
The Unnamed woman from Witchita, was freed after a 12 hour marathon by firefighters, medics and a local farmer who provided a strong cart horse to help drag her buttocks out the the tight toilet seat they had become wedged in.
Relief
The woman went into the toilet at the back of her brother's barn in 1983 when Reagan was still president, after eating a large burger and fries at a local Big Mac restaurant.
"I just felt my guts wanting to burst," She said, "and darted into the outhouse. But it just kept pouring out, year after year."
The woman was kept alive by her brother bringing constant provisions.
"I wasn't sure whether more Big Macs was the best thing, but there's nothing else around these parts." He said.
When asked why it had taken 25 years for him to contact the social services he replied:
"She kept on saying she was just about to finish up. Besides, there was the terrible smell. I
thought it might reflect badly on my kith and kin."
One of the rescuers, firefighter Todd Maclean, was agog at the situation.
"I've never seen anything like it. Her backside was completely stuck. We needed half a gallon of vaseline, a cart horse and a crane to pull her free."
The woman expressed her gratitude to her saviours.
"Thank God for these people. I have finally been relieved."
