What Can You Do With A Bi-Sexual Crab?

Written by joeybabe25

Wednesday, 12 December 2007

If I just wanted to get you to read my post and went to the extent of juicing a headline, I would have done even better than that, like "Bush MRI Reveals Brain Fully Intact" or "Yoko Ono and Condi Rice Discovered in Love Nest", but this is a real deal here and as a hetero, I have to deal with my feelings about gay crabs (or transgender...I suppose like the headline says, some crabs go either way).

There was an article in this morning's paper about crabbers finding a rare species among their catch this week that has the attributes and qualities of both a male and female crab:

"Any good waterman knows that male crabs, called "jimmies," have blue claws. Female crabs, called "sooks," have red pinchers. Jimmies aren't common in this part of the Chesapeake Bay in June."

But that wasn't the most unusual thing about the crab Johnson caught off Gwynn's Island on May 21."

"There was one male claw and one female claw," Johnson said. In other words, one claw was blue and one claw was red."

Kind of like those dudes in prison who paint their toenails, but still life weights. Crabs are very different from gay men. They are much less political and they don't want to get eaten. But then, it's not really fair to call these crabs gay, as such. Transgender, perhaps. Trans, to be trendy.

Not only did the crab have reproductive organs of both genders, but its underside was shaped on one side like a female and on the other side like a male. That would be great if you were stranded on a deserted island, but among ordinary American crabs, it could be a problem.

It reminds me of the penultimate question every teenage boy asks himself when he knows enough to think of the question. If you have to ask, you don't want to know.

So...good luck to our gay crab brothers. May they be accepted into crab society without discrimination.

And check out the northern states, like Massachusetts or Vermont for understanding and forgiveness. Also I understand that the gay and trans city of San Francisco has asked the Feds for permission to break away from the central California governmant and form a new state. The state of Homosexual.

Be proud, young crab.


The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more