Night Mayor Scenario

Written by Gurkha Dan

Tuesday, 11 September 2007

It appears that the next London Mayoral election will be something of a two-horse race, but a race in which the candidates' major appeal is their eccentricity.

'Red' Ken Livingstone has been infuriating tabloids and broadsheets for years, whilst simultaneously keeping them in eye-catching, draw-dropping headlines. With his loony left councils and his audacious defiance of Blair over standing for mayor. Boris Johnston is possibly the only Tory candidate who can touch him in terms of his eccentricity appeal. Boris has equally found himself in the spotlight after a series of affairs, gaffes and the odd comical appearance on Have I got News for You.

Boris Johnston belongs in a Dickensian novel, and the views which he espouses with alarming frankness and regularity are certainly a match for the verbose and bull-headed Livingstone, who seems to have crafted his personality on the Fred Kite character portrayed by Peter Sellers in I'm Alright Jack. However - who has the credentials to pull in the silly vote.

Boris is unlikely to capture the votes of Papua New Guineans and their supporters, who he accused of '"cannibalism and chief-killing". The Jewish community, however, are unlikely to forgive Ken's attack on a Jewish reporter, whom he likened to a Nazi concentration camp guard.

Polls suggest that in the eccentric transport stakes pedal-pushing, bendy-bus hating Boris, just edges tube-hopping Daily Mail flagellating Ken. Boris also wins hands down on the silly hair ticket, although some Londoners are skeptical that Boris Johnson is, in fact, a real person, or whether he is just Matt Lucas in a funny wig. Of course there is another dark horse in the silly corner - the unlikely named Tory, Warwick Lightfoot.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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