Bare Naked Truth: Nicole & Paris

Funny story written by ChillerBaggins

Friday, 15 June 2007


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La Dolce Vita

Some misguided broken nose fans of Sinatra thought he wanted to be in "From Here to Eternity", so they put a horses head in then head of Columbia Pictures, Harry Cohen's bed. Nicole Richie spent many a time at MJ's 'Neverland Ranch', sleeping in his room, (she claims) in her own bed. But waking up to find MJ's nose in your PJ's is still not fun when your little.

* Nicole Richie
AKA Nicole Camille Escovedo

Born: 21-Sep-1981
Birthplace: Berkeley, CA

Gender: Female
Race or Ethnicity: Multiracial [Caucasian, Black Creole and Hispanic extraction.]
Sexual orientation: Straight
Occupation: TV Personality, Socialite

Michael Jackson is Richie's godfather.

Nationality: United States
Executive summary: Paris Hilton's ex-pal

High School: Montclair Prep, Van Nuys, CA
University: University of Arizona (dropped out)

Environmental Media Association
Drug Possession: Heroin Malibu, CA Feb-2003
Driving with a Suspended License Malibu, CA Feb-2003
Driving While Intoxicated Burbank, CA (11-Dec-2006)
Risk Factors: Smoking, Heroin, Marijuana

* Paris Hilton
"She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong." _ShannaMoakler
AKA Paris Whitney Hilton

Born: 17-Feb-1981
Birthplace: New York City

Gender: Female
Religion: Roman Catholic
Race or Ethnicity: White
Sexual orientation: Bisexual
Occupation: Socialite, Pornstar

Nationality: United States
Executive summary: Unexpected porno actress

Father: Rick Hilton (grandson of Conrad Hilton)
Mother: Kathy Richards Hilton (b. 7-Apr-1959, actress, formerly on Family Affair)
Sister: Nicky Hilton (socialite, b. 5-Oct-1983)
Brother: Barron Nicholas Hilton (b. 7-Nov-1989)
Brother: Conrad Hughes Hilton (b. 3-Mar-1994)
Boyfriend: Jason Shaw (actor, ex-, broken engagement, b. circa 1973)
Boyfriend: Nick Carter (dated 2003-04)
Slept with: Rick Salomon (appears in sex tape)
Slept with: (reportedly) Oscar De La Hoya, Brandon Davis, Leonardo DiCaprio,
Slept with: Robert Evans, Colin Farrell, Edward Furlong, Vincent Gallo, Jamie Kennedy,
Slept with: Jared Leto, Robert Mills (5th place in 2003 Australian Idol), Mark Philippoussis,
Slept with: Simon Rex, Jake Sumner (son of Sting), Deryck Whibley,
Slept with: Paris Latsis (Greek shipping heir, dated 2004-05, ex-, broken engagement)
Slept with: Tom Sizemore (according to him, she disputes)
Boyfriend: Joe Francis (ex-, according to
Boyfriend: Stavros Niarchos III (Greek shipping heir, grandson of Stavros Niarchos, dated 2005-06)

High School: Dwight School (dropped out)

Driving While Intoxicated Hollywood, CA (7-Sep-2006)
Driving with a Suspended License
Violating Probation Los Angeles, CA (4-May-2007)
Norwegian Ancestry Paternal
German Ancestry Paternal
Sex Tape Scandal 2003 ("One Night In Paris" with Rick Salomon)
Risk Factors: Smoking, Marijuana, Depression
(Paris also suffers from ADDD, or A Dildo Don't Do.)

Many Americans had never heard of "Paris the Heiress" until autumn of 2003, when a video began circulating showing Hilton having sex with Rick Salomon, Shannen Doherty's ex-husband. The video, made three years earlier, has been titled One Night In Paris and widely sold and shared on the internet.

And as with most hit films, there have been sequels. Ten months after the first video surfaced, a second video circulated, showing Hilton smoking marijuana, writhing in the back seat of a car with Nick Carter, and answering the door naked for ex-boyfriend Jason Shaw. In other "unauthorized" video's, she is seen making out with celebrity lesbian Ingrid Casares, MTV personality Eglantina Zingg, and Playboy Playmate Nicole Lenz.

Reference her upcoming album;
"I'm not going to be onstage playing the violin. That would be gay." And true to hip-hop form, there's a battle track called "Jealousy" where Paris airs her Beverly Hills beef with former pal Nicole Richie. "I don't even know what is happening with us," Hilton says. "I hope she doesn't get mad when she hears it."

For heavens sake!! You'd think she was on deathrow! The person I feel sorry for most of all, is Rick Hilton. He's worked all his life, making a respectable living as a businessman and ends up being remembered for his eldest daughter's vagina plastered over the Net!...I'm glad I'm not in her shoes.

Posted on Net by Nicole Ritchie | June 10, 2007

Ritchie at present looks almost like a normal woman. Some say it's the extra human inside her. Twins and she'd be normal.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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