LA Decides to Rank 'Gangstas'

Written by Pointer

Saturday, 10 February 2007

image for LA Decides to Rank 'Gangstas'
Crips got 2007 points this week. Gang scores are posted on the Hollywood sign

Just when US high schools and universities are moving away from ranking students based on performance, the City of the Angels has decided to follow the example of and give rankings to its street gangs. Chief Of Police X. Rodney King explained: "Ebert and Siskel's replacement and American Idol do it! It's the LA WAY, Holmes."

Los Angeles Mayor,Chick Cano agreed: "What kind of bangers can't stand the heat of competition,bro? Like Truman said: 'If you can't stand the heat, you can't make the tamales, mijo'."

Not everyone in LaLaLand concurs. French-American gang leader of "Le Crepes", Marcel Crimanelle protested: "How can we keep up with the long time bangers? They been puttin' up numbas fo' years!"

Even the pro's are complaining. Blood chieftain, Bloody Good Banger disagrees with the rating system: "This top fi'teen shit is boke! Who the fuck are those posers with fi'ty million points who haven't done squat for weeks o' months. Those clowns must be on the PoPo's Posse!"

Drive-bys are worth 1000 points. Drug sales 10 per ounce and pimpin' gets you a hundred a hoe. Nasty language and nasty bits will get your wrist slapped right good!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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