Jennifer Aniston Manufacturing Voodoo Dolls For Christmas

Written by K.C. Bell

Sunday, 3 December 2006

In the spirit of Christmas giving, Jennifer Aniston has started manufacturing voodoo dolls in her basement. Originally started as a personal venture, (like Mrs. Fields chocolate chip cookies) close friends and relatives requested a few, (as happened with Mrs. Fields chocolate chip cookies). Word of mouth spread and soon a website was born, along with counter space at Barneys, Wilkes Bashford and Wal-Mart's. There are three designs to chose from: the regular, 'Try me!', for $83.00; the supreme, 'Head on!', for $250.00; and the 'Leave no stone unturned!', for $1,000.00.

Pins are extra. Pins are sold individually wrapped, three to a packaged, in nifty cellophane bags, tied with red and white gingham satin ribbon. The three inch needles sell for $10.00; six inch needles go for $18.00 and the twenty inch needles cost $45.00. An attractive feature of the twenty inch needle is its many uses. The twenty inch may also serve as a skewer for hors d'oeuvres or fondue. In her advertisements, Jenn relates that they also come in handy when used as hat pins on windy days or reaching for the morning paper if it falls short of your door step.

Paul McCartney bought a dozen. Apparently wishing to leave no stone unturned, he invested in the $1,000.00 design. He also went for a crate of the twenty inch needles. Prime Minister of Iraq, Nuri al-Malikee, purchased the regular $83.00 'Try me!' version; mailed to Baghdad in a plain wrapper. "Bush calls me incompetent? He has to read his opening statement at the press conference and still makes mistakes." Someone at Fox News department bought a, 'Head on!' voodoo doll, aiming it at the originator of the Worst Person in the World award; usually a Fox News employee.

The orders number in the thousands, and like the pet rock or a tin of Mrs. Fields chocolate chip cookies, Jennifer Aniston is planning to expand sales with the introduction of a line of voodoo doll clothing and carrying bags.

Never leave home without one.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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