Antonio Banderas Admits He Has Forgotten How to Speak Spanish - Claims Asylum in Spain

Written by NerdInBriefs

Wednesday, 31 August 2011

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The Spanish actor who was discovered by Melanie Griffith on a shopping tripping to Madrid, has made a shocking revelation, that he has forgotten how to speak Spanish due to his wife.

Banderas has now claimed asylum in his home country of Spain, saying he is afraid for his safety around his wife and can no longer live as a Spanish actor in LA.

This has caused a storm in the Spanish film industry, who have asked how he could have been cast in the film 'The Skin I Live In' and why Pedro Almodovar the director cast him in the role, if he can no longer speak Spanish.

The Spanish King Juan Carlos has asked for Penelope Cruz and other budding actors out in LA to be saved and brought back to Spain.

Critics and filmgoers in Spain and across the world have taken to forums and twitter to say they feel cheated, wondering why these details were hidden. But how long has Banderas been fooling the public?

For his latest film Bandera said that all his lines were redubbed in post-production. Spanish media have been asking how one of their greatest actors to have broken into Hollywood, could so easily forget his roots and his mother tongue.

The revulsion at Hollywood is going to be shown at the box office where it is predicted that Spanish filmgoers will shun English language films.

Fingers are being pointed at his controlling wife, Griffith, who has since bringing Banderas back to Hollywood in the early 90s, has been embarrassed by his funny flamenco habits and her moment of madness in the Spanish heat. This was not helped by her friends who made waspish comments about why she married her gardener or was smuggling illegal across the border.

Until they met he was known by his proper name, Jose Antonio Dominguez, which Griffith ridiculed and insisted he change so as to avoid further embarrassment in celebrity circles. Realising that it was too much hassle to send him back, the love affair that Banderas thought he was signing up for, was replaced by a brutal regime that tried to de-latinise him, including stone beds and cold showers, if ever Banderas steered back to his native language.

It is believed that Spy Kids franchise was the point where the last remaining words he knew in Spanish, 'Hola' and 'mamma' slipped from his vocabulary.

Despite this Banderas has not been able to lose the AndalucĂ­a accent, which remained very thick and continued to prove a problem for Hollywood producers looking to cast him in roles, at the risk of alienating movie goers in the bible-belt and corn field of mid-America.

This has been a source of increasing tension between the couple as Griffith has become increasingly pro-American and anti-European, teasing him that she will send him back and marry an all American. Banderas has also expressed wanting to make an epic about this history of Flamenco and voice a documentary about Paella, which sent his wife into fits of rage at his backwardness. When Griffith found the script for the Almodovar screen play, it is alleged she hit him with his treasured Paella pan.

The continuing problem of marketing Banderas to the American heartlands was recently highlighted when a cinema goer shot the screen of the cinema, because they felt he was a Mexican immigrant and didn't trust him. Sensing growing hostility from the American cinemagoer, Banderas felt he was never ever going to fit in and decided he wanted to go back to his roots. In an emotional phonecall to Almodobar, through a translator, he begged to be given the role. Almodovar lectured him on the betrayal of his country and instructed him that he needed to return to being a Latin Lover and a connoisseur of Spanish stereotypes.

The bull ring that Banderas built in the grounds of his home when he first moved over, had fallen into disrepair in recent years, and to add further insult to his pride, Griffith hosted plays there for her friends and family, based on her films she made before she married him. Neighbours noticed changes recently when bulls were reintroduced and Banderas could be seen up till late at night practising fighting, casing frictions with Griffith with her PETA affiliations and frequent naked protests in their home.

Banderas has now not been seen in LA for a few weeks and it is believed he has enrolled in a language school in his home town of Malaga. Will Spain embrace Banderas after he has turned his back on his country for so many years ask film industry magazines?

The Spanish government are taking no chances and have sent ships to LA as part of move to bring back all their Spanish actors, most importantly Cruz who they fear can only remember five Spanish at most, two more than in English.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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