Justin Bieber: "I am not a brat..I"m Not, I'm Not, I'M NOT!!!"

Funny story written by Morse

Thursday, 11 August 2011


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Justin's Fans Refuse to Believe He's a Brat!

Rumours and innuendoes continue to circle around Canadian Teen Idol Justin Bieber depicting the youthful pop star as "a precocious brat", a tag his premenstrual fans won't tolerate!

After recent revelations of 'unruly' behaviour on the set of CSI where he appeared for two episodes before being killed off, an earlier BBC revelation that he really was a brat, and precocious at that, a reported incident involving disrespect to passengers, flight attendants and the pilot during and after a recent flight, finally led Bieber to respond via Twitter, a medium where he is more popular than Barack Obama or even the Dali Lama, according to Hollywood tabloid reporters, who certainly should know.

"I'm not a Brat," he tweeted briefly yesterday, "and anybody who says that I am is a Twat...so there...people that say those things are smarmy smarty pants, and I'm not going to play with them anymore!"

In an effort to get to bottom of the controversy, which is threatening to build to a contagious firestorm that could even descend to burning and looting, an investigative reporter traveled to Canada in an attempt to find "the real Justin Bieber."

Not much is known about his early days except he was raised by a single mother, and moved to Statford, Ontario, where we managed to catch up with his child hood teacher, Mary Catherine O'Malley-Smithe.

MC, as she prefers to be called since her recent retirement after 37 years in the Canadian school system remembers Justin well.

"He was a sweet boy, most of the time, but he could be a bit of a brat . I think it was because he didn't come from much at home. During the winter he just let his hair grow to keep his little ears warm, poor sod, and after awhile, in the summer, he never could be bothered to cut it . He was a little dear... looked like a cuddly church mouse with that mop and those big eyes!"

"He was clever, I'll say that. Always did his school work, and was quick to volunteer for the school play, but if he didn't get the lead, he wold tend to throw a bit of a fit. "

"Of course at that age, he didn't have much use for the girls in class, but we did have one first year teacher we had to let go who took quite a fancy to him, if you get my meaning!"

"It wasn't just the fact she was a good bit older, 18 years as I recall, but the fact that she was an American. Wouldn't do. Just wouldn't do at all!"

Doctor Victor Nicholas is the traveling MD who services the town as well as the various Inuit villages in the area.

In addition to being the local fishing guide during the tourist season, "Doc", as he is affectionately called by locals, serves as a pediatrician, podiatrist, proctologist, gynecologist, dentist, and in dire emergencies as a taxidermist.

"I remember the little brat," said Doc when we caught up with him over an open camp fire after we tracked him down on an isolated pond. Doc said he was trying out a new fly he was testing on the giant Talapia that had recently been imported and stocked from China.

He held up his new creation, about 12" long with a single 2 ought hook twirled with a combination of squirrel tail, deer hair, the nostril hairs of a beaver and the wings of a dragon fly all tied on with thread made from sinew cured of the leg of a snow shoe rabbit.

"I call it my Bargis Tie-All. Far as I know it's the biggest fly ever tied here in Ontario that's guaranteed to work all day , get wet, and not go limp ," he said proudly examining his work.

"I think I got it about right,' he said, squinting through the flames of the fire under a microscope he used in a recent African adventure.

"All the parts are naturally water proof, and the wings keep the fly on the surface and make a hellava commotion when you twitch the line....that'll provoke the Chinky bastard into a strike and I'll have 'em!"

After a snort of some good Canadian Whisky, Doc told me a bit about Justin.

"A bit colicky as a child as I recall. Always testing his lungs. Had a preoccupation with his little winky too I recall....his mother said he had a gift...could play any instrument he touched...hee hee...nice gift, eh?"

"Ha! Temperamental, opinionated, and stubborn as well. Remember he came in for his first prostate exam right after his little balls finally dropped. Wouldn't let me touch him, insisted on using his own finger...never forget it...think I wrote a paper about it with a colleague of mine from the UK....even Old Erskine got a good laff outa that 'un, that was a first even for the NHS!"

Is Justin a BRAT? Hard to say. Sounds like he's just a kid trying to grow up surrounded by fame, adoration, money, star power and fawning adults.

Did I mention Selena Gomez?

Little Bastard!!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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