Simon Cowell Drops A Bombshell: American 'X-Factor' Is Getting Rid of The Sultry Cheryl Cole

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 26 May 2011

HOLLYWOOD - Just one short month ago Simon Cowell, aka "The Sultan of Sarcasm" was singing the praises of English singer Cheryl Cole whom he had hand picked to be one of the judges on his American version of X-Factor.

Cowell informed Pico de Gallo of Tittle Tattle Tonight that he was thrilled that he would be sitting along side Chezza Cole and his old girlfriend from their American Idol days Paula Abdul.

But just like the weather in Texas, that all changed at the drop of a hat. And now Cheryl Cole has been replaced by Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger.

Pico de Gallo stated that an unnamed highly reliable inside source told him that there were three reasons why Cheryl Cole had been replaced. He said that the first reason was simply because there was just no chemistry between Paula Abdul and Ms. Cole.

The source noted that Ms. Abdul was on the Disney Channel and Ms. Cole was on the Weather Channel; the two just did not jive. He added that Paula would make a joke about Gayle King and Oprah Winfrey and Cole would get a puzzled look on her face and ask who Gayle King was.

The second reason given was that the shows producers just felt that Cheryl Cole had a very strong English accent that made it hard for her to be understood.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Now I do not buy that for one second. Cat Deely who is the host of So You Think You Can Dance, and Sharon Osbourne who is one of the judges on America's Got Talent are both Britishers who have heavy accents and everyone understands them perfectly.]

And the third reason why Cheryl Cole was let go was because she refused the producers demand that she break up with her Dancing With The Stars boyfriend Derek "The Dancing Dude" Hough.

They said that they wanted Cole to be unattached so that she could be free to date other men and put herself in some compromising situations which would be good for publicity.

The top executives said that as good looking and as sexually sultry as Cheryl Cole is she could have a different male companion each and every week and that would greatly increase the X-Factor viewership numbers.

Cole apparently told the executives that she was in love with Derek Hough and that she would not break up with him no matter what they said or what they threatened. She made it abundantly clear to them that her heart, soul, and ravishingly sensuous body belonged to the blonde dude.

So the way things stand now, the shows judges will be Simon "The Count of Criticism" Cowell, Paula "Touchdown" Abdul, and Nicole "Sweater Treats" Scherzinger.

The shows host is Steve Jones. No one in America including Alaska, Arizona, and Wisconsin has any idea who Steve Jones is.

Tittle Tattle Tonight will follow up on this story and bring you any news regarding any further changes that could conceivably take place before the show actually starts airing.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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