Written by Morse

Sunday, 6 February 2011

image for Justin Bieber's Success Fuels New Talent Show: "Canada's Got Hair, EH?"
CBC: You Want Hair? You Ain't Seen Nuttin' Yet!

In an attempt to capitalize on the outrageous world wide success of Canada's boy wonder, Justin Bieber, the Canadian Broadcasting System, (CBC) has launched a new talent search reality show "Canada's Got Hair, EH?" which has the audience screaming for more!

The 15 year old rhythm and blues singer who launched his career with homemade videos made by his mother that flooded the Utube market, is now more popular than Ghandi, Oprah, Simon Cowell and Cheryl Cole......combined.

Entertainment moguls said Bieber's success is being driven by a generation of young people no longer interested in education but by inner forces shaped by the internet preaching instant gratification, mind numbing repetition, and outrageous hair styles and dress.

CBC is in negotiations with Piers Morgan, who's new show 'Piers Morgan Tonight' is failing miserably in the states, to host the blockbuster new talent show, along with former first lady Margaret Trudeau heading up a list of judges who certainly know how to 'get down' with today's talented future super stars.

Apparently, lurking throughout the expansive country, is a horde of yet to be discovered talented, precocious , oversexed and uneducated youth.

During the first talent search scouts located a young lad in Newfoundland, father of two, who not only sported a pomaded Pompadour, popular in the 40's & 50's, but was proficient in pounding out toe tapping songs on his toilet paper wrapped comb!

In the Yukon Territory, a youth with deadlocks was popular in the mining camps with his proficiency in rhythm percussion playing the gold panning plates, and a washboard, whilst imitating the sound of mating grizzlies!

Rural Quebec yielded an incredible bearded lady who had grown up on a domestic snail farm who knew all Roberta Flack's songs by heart, and sounded just like the famous diva in her prime and before she took on weight. She also does a credible Marlene Dietrich!

Said TV exec Miles Pendergass, "Canada is an unmined resource of undiscovered talent. There's so much talent to be mined, the show could run forever...or at least until our audience grows up and discovers they'll have to get a job so they can feed themselves!"

Right now producers say they're hot on the trail of a torrid Toronto gay group living in the YMCA who were first heard singing in the shower by Elton John while on tour before his pregnancy hastened his return home.

"According to Elton, " said our source, "these guys can really bring it! They have a range from soprano to deep, deep base...and not one of them over the age of 13! Simply F****g amazing innit, EH?"

Producers say they are besieged with a host of prospective advertisers who want a piece of the show and are sorting through them for the most offensive and tasteless in order to ensure ratings success amongst the under 15 target audience.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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