Written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 27 January 2011

image for Oprah Winfrey Drops A Bombshell: Simon Cowell and Mark Cuban Are Half Brothers
Vinaigrette Bickerweather and Higgins Miffmaster shown boating on London's Thames River.

CHICAGO - After shocking her viewers by recently announcing on her television show The Oprah Winfrey Show that she had a half sister that she had no idea she had, Oprah Winfrey has once again dropped another "Family" bombshell.

Ms. Winfrey announced on her show that British entertainment media mogul Simon Cowell and American Mark Cuban, who owns the NBA Dallas Mavericks are actually half brothers.

Winfrey disclosed that neither Cowell nor Cuban had any idea that they were related to each other. She said that she first learned of the relationship from her longtime friend Gayle King.

King learned of the relationship between the ex-American Idol judge and Sports mogul from famed Beverly Hills hair stylist to the stars FuFi Fondue.

It appears that one of Fondue's clients, a Mr. Higgins Miffmaster actually knew Vinaigrette Bickerweather the biological mother of both Cowell and Cuban.

Miffmaster said that although he dated Ms. Bickerweather they never consummated their relationship due to religious reasons. He confided that she had once told him that a category 5 hurricane would hit the Vatican and completely destroy it before she would allow him to touch any part of her body with any part of is body.

When Miffmaster was asked if he felt that Bickerweather was perhaps a Lesbianite, he quickly answered "Oh no. I happen to know that she is a devout Presbyterian.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Miffmaster was able to obtain some DNA from a postage stamp that Vinaigrette Bickerweather had licked. The culture was sent to one of the leading DNA collecting and analyzing agencies in the entire United Kingdom. Results proved without a shadow of a doubt that both Cowell and Cuban had the same exact DNA as their mom (mum) Vinaigrette Bickerweather.]

Oprah Winfrey has already informed both Simon Cowell and Mark Cuban about the discovery and she said that both expressed total skepticism at first but soon that turned to sheer elation.

Miss O said that both gentlemen have agreed to appear on an upcoming edition of her show and be reunited.

Cowell reportedly told a reporter for the BBC that he always thought that Mark Cuban was a right handsome looking devil and now he knows why.

Cuban meanwhile commented to a reporter for Tittle Tattle Tonight that he used to wonder why when he was growing up in Pittsburgh he was the only kid in the entire school that had a British accent.

Simon Cowell is 51. Mark Cuban is 52. Vinaigrette Bickerweather is 67. And Paula Abdul is 48.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
82 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more