What he wants for Christmas is a name change.
Mr. Scrooge held a press conference in NYC's Times Square and told reporters that he soon planned to file papers to legally change his name.
"How would you like to go through life with a name like Scrooge?" he asked. "Everybody thinks I'm stingy, but I'm not, you know. I'm a changed man. Remember that at the end of A Christmas Carol I did a complete turnaround and shelled out big bucks for gifts and a huge turkey."
When a reporter dared to suggest that it was a goose, not a turkey, that had been delivered to the Cratchits, Scrooge replied, "Turkey, goose, don't know what the hell it was. I just know it was big and it was expensive. And I paid for it."
Scrooge then shared with the group a few new names that he was considering and his reason for the choices:
--Clooney ("I notice that all the ladies swoon over George.")
--Windsor ("I now belong to the world, but I AM British, you know.")
--Cratchit ("Can't see the appeal myself, but everybody seems to just love Bob. The little wimp.")
--Pitt ("Father of six, Brad's still a sex symbol.")
When a reporter asked if there were also plans to change his first name, Scrooge replied, "Well, of course. Ebenezer sounds like a sneeze. Do you know how many times people have said God Bless You when I'm just trying to introduce myself?"
As the press conference dispersed, Scrooge was still whining to anyone who would listen about how much he had spent on his big Christmas splurge. "The butcher bill alone practically bankrupted me," he claimed.
