Sarah Palin Explains Why She Hates The 'Haters'

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 8 December 2010

image for Sarah Palin Explains Why She Hates The 'Haters'
The brown grizzly mama bear that Sarah Palin got her nickname "Grizzly Mama" from.

WASILLA, Alaska - "Snow Plow" Sarah Palin, as she is called by her ex-future son-in-law and next mayor of Wasilla Levi Johnston told the assembled news media in front of her Lake Lucille home, Casa Moscow, that she is getting totally fed up with the way she is being portrayed by the 'haters.'

Palin stressed that there is a lot more to her than just being a semi-pretty politically correct woman who loves to dress like a man, including camouflaged jock strap, and saunter out into the Alaskan frozen white wilderness in search of caribou, moose, elk, and reindeer to ambush the hell out of.

"Shotgun" Sarah says that she also loves to go halibut fishing and bop the hell out the halibut as they are brought flipping and flopping on board the boat and she was quick to state that no one has uttered a word about that. She asks "Why?"

She then answers her own question, "Because halibut, like salmon, sardines, and jellyfish all have no fur. They just have slimy skin, kinda like Joan Rivers and Donatella Versace and all of the other egotistical old hag has-beens who want to look 17 instead of 87.

The "Grizzly Mama" then turned her attention towards eldest daughter Bristol. She shook her head and said, "Ya know, a lot of 'haters' hated that my little Bristy went from not knowing diddly squat about dancing to becoming one the greatest dancers to ever grace the Dancing With The Stars stage."

Palin went on to say that Bristy's professional partner Mark Ballas told her that he had heard judge Len "The Crotchety Grouch" Goodman state that Miss Palin danced her Alaskan ass off and actually could be compared to the likes of past winners such as Nicole Scherzinger, Shawn Johnson, and Brooke Burke.

Bruno "The Gaytalian" Tonioli personally got Sarah Palin off to the side and told her that Bristol, even though she is somewhat on the chunky side, weight wise, can really move her hips in a sensuously erotic manner that is sure to land her a boyfriend or four by the end of the Christmas holidays.

And Carrie Ann "Miss Philippines" Inaba remarked that in her short time on the show Bristol "The Pistol" certainly learned how to shake her booty and that is a good thing since she has only really had one boyfriend in her entire life.

Mark Ballas, meantime has remarked on several occasions to Jay Leno, David Letterman, Joy Behar, and Vice-President Joe Biden that if Bristol Palin was a Democrat instead of a Republican that he would marry her faster than she could say Hmmmm-Hmmmm.

SIDENOTE: Sarah "Snowflake" Palin recently told Ellen DeGeneres that she personally does not give an effen rat's ass about all of the Palin haters. She did say that they can laugh at her because she doesn't know that North Korea is not nice, or that Africa in not located in South America, or even that there really is not an island in the Gulf of Mexico named Gilligan's Island, but she is quick to add that the haters had better not focus their hateful hate on Bristol, Willow, Piper, Track, Trig, Tripp, Trick, or Treat because if they do she will take her high powdered telescopic moose hunting rifle and do some target practice using some non Tea Bag party crotches.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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