Wagner - surprise judge on X factor in US?

Funny story written by Jermaine Shepard

Friday, 26 November 2010

image for Wagner - surprise judge on X factor in US?
Wagner - A new Hollywood star?

Rumours are circulating that Simon Cowell will be taking Wagner to appear as a judge on X factor in the US after a rift developed between him and Cheryl Cole.

Insiders claim that Simon is tiring of Cheryls demand to be included, including her citing the massive solo number ones she has had as a reason to be part of the team.

However, after careful analysis it has been determined, shockingly, that Cheryls number one singles have gained massive publicity by the very fact she mimes and then releases the singles after an appearance on the X factor.

Two years running now she has used this winning formula, but when questioned refused to comment apart from advising that she was very excited to be working on a new album and single due out next October, though this will depend on whether she will be a judge on X factor again.

However, Simon has not been won over, as the US X factor will have a predominantly adult audience and therefore Cheryl's popularity with pre-nursery school children will have a limited impact.

Meanwhile, Wagner, the new internet sweetheart (who has no judgements against him for attacking toilet attendants) can expect to have a clear entry to the States and has the added abilities of being a martial arts expert and lion tamer.

Discussions have already taken place to consider him in certain movie rolls, and scriptwriters are furiously putting together a script for a movie which, insiders claim, will be a mix of Tarzan meets Jean Claude van Damme.

Once the existing run of X factor in the UK has been completed, and Wagner has rightfully been crowned the new winner, he is scheduled to fly out to the States to talk to producers as well as meet some of his overseas fans, including members of Rage Against The Machine, who themselves beat previous X factor winner, Joe McElderberry (apologies if this is incorrect but at the time of writing no-one was longer able to confirm whether the name was spelt correctly) to the number one spot last Christmas.

RATM have already said they are interested in doing a collaboration with the new X factor darling.

Although Simon is known to be extremely keen to make more money and using the regular line of 'the public decide not me' Wagner may be a different beast for him to control.

The extravagant Brazilian is known for having a mind of his own and not keen to be portrayed as some Cowell money making machine, unlike previous winners of the reality show.

Whereas the likes of 'mini-me' Cher are happy to be given a cast off pair of Cheryl's boots, Wagner knows that real talent can earn much more.

Spurred on by a facebook campaign which is winning Wagner more and more fans by the day whilst the X factor judges, as well as other contestants, are jealously watching and hoping Wagner will be intimidated and pushed into making a mistake on stage, such as the one Cheryl (paid over 1 million for the benefit as well) has made by resorting to underhand tactics in her attempt to have fans turn against Wagner.

Fortunately, Wagner was too much of a gentleman to question Cheryl on whether she is still sending flowers and gifts to the poor toilet attendant she battered years ago.

With news of his continued success in the show, previous favourite Matt Cardle has now apologised (maybe a case of too little to late) to Wagner and has also tipped him to win this year's show.

It appears that everyone is slowly coming round to the fact the Wagner is the best thing ever to have happened in this reality show; even student protestors were seen to carry a placard for Wagner to win the X factor.

Unlike other contestants that appeal to certain audience members only, ie, Once Direction for pre-pubescent girls, Matt to teenage girls, Mary to the older generation, Cher to the 'init' crowd, Katie too, erm, still thinking about that one and Rebecca to the more sophisticated, Wagner has that solid all round appeal, from young kids to pensioners he has struck a cord at the heart of this very nation who believe that Simon Cowell needs to loosen his grip (and trousers) on an industry that is sick of made up artists, churned up and spat out after their appeal has been lost, which is normally 1 album later.

Wagner is the new tide that Cowell has to fight against and this time it could very well drown him.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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