Robert Pattinson to be Prince William's best man

Funny story written by IainB

Thursday, 18 November 2010

image for Robert Pattinson to be Prince William's best man
50 large on Pattinson, please squire

Robert Pattinson has accidentally revealed that he is to be Prince William's best man at his wedding to Kate Middleton next June after Prince William sensationally announced that he would not be having his younger brother Harry as best man.

Palace insider, Ian Cider, spoke about the controversy.

"Apparently," said Cider, "William does not trust Harry to officiate the capacity of Best Man properly. He would probably turn up after a heavy nights drinking dressed as RuPaul."

William and Pattinson met during the premier of Twilight and became firm friends, exchanging emails, even becoming neighbours on Farmville. Most recently, William, Pattinson, Kate Middleton and an unnamed blonde many think was Pixie Lott, went on holiday to Richard Branson's exclusive holiday island.

"William believes Pattinson would be the ideal Best Man," said Cider. "He dresses well, speaks properly and has a good pedigree. Additionally, he may take some of the paparazzi away from Kate and Wills, letting them get some alone time on their wedding day. Especially if he turns up with Pixie Lott."

Bookies had been running odds on who would be William's best man, but with this leak, the bookies have stopped taking bets, and have paid out on the fifty-to-one Pattinson.

One Bookie in Windsor believes the whole thing is a fix.

"We were running odds on the best man," said Anthony Shadey, owner of Plucky Bookies in Windsor. "Pattinson was fifty to one, and some old woman came in and dropped fifty grand on him. I thought easy money, but I reckon it must have been his mum in disguise. The payout is to be made out to a Liz Windsor."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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