Mere moments after saying, "I do!", Russell Brand and Katy Perry and Russell Brand have jointly announced their divorce.
"Russell Brand and Katy Perry are overjoyed to confirm that their marriage was terminated via divorce on Saturday, October 23. Theirs was a very private and spiritual divorce, attended by the couples' closeted family and friends. The backdrop was the inspirational and majestic countryside of Northern India."
Interestingly, it was Perry, a failed recording artist while signed with Red Hill Records, and Island Records, and Columbia Records, who used the triple talaq mechanism for divorce, as it exists in Sunni and its associated forms of Islam.
"It was kinda funny," said Ke$ha, who was the Maid of Honor. "It simply consisted of her screaming 'I divorce you' at him three times."
Standup comic Brand, 48, who referred to President Bush as "that retarded cowboy fellow," his only funny line ever, was nonplussed.
"F--k, I can't believe it," Brand told the crowd, after apologizing profusely for his hair, his two Comedy Central specials, and 'Get Him To The Greek', "I thought I was doing that ugly cow a favor by marrying her. Oh, well. Back to men."
Brand then reiterated his contempt for Americans and called for a Jihad against Christians worldwide, before slipping headfirst into much-deserved obscurity.