Written by anthonyrosania

Friday, 15 October 2010

image for Russell Brand, 39, and Katy Perry, 36DD, Marry in India
ABOVE: Katy Perry's face (I think. I've never actually seen above her nipples.)

Russell Brand, voted 2010's Most Unfunny Brit In America by Python Sucks magazine, has married fellow untalented pop-curiosity-of-the-moment Katy Perry in a ridiculously long Indian-style wedding in Greece this evening.

Brand, driven out of England after being fired by BBC radio --the UK's version of bad college radio-- after he called some old actor's answering machine and left a message.

"In a minute we're going to be talking to Andrew Sachs, Manuel actor," said Brand, his paltry radio career now on a trajectory with unemployment. "The elephant in the room is, what Andrew doesn't know is, I've slept with his granddaughter."

No, seriously, that was it. Comedic genius, right??

"I saw Stephen Fry at the ceremony," said a guest. "Noel Gallagher, David Walliams, Jonathan Ross, and a bunch of British-fame-only stars. You know, people that could come to America, take a sh-t in Times Square, and no one would recognize them.

The ceremony itself was as bizarre, hideous and unentertaining as the bride and groom themselves.

"Katy and Russell had their hands tied together, and Russell had a red dot made of turmeric powder put on his head by Katy's relatives," said a guest. "Katy wore a sari, they sacrified a cow and drank its blood, then beat a monkey to death, and ate its brains."

The couple are on their honeymoon until October 31st, at which time Perry will enjoy the last 30 seconds of her 15 minutes of fame. Brand is slated to sh-t on the grave of Dudley Moore by remaking 'Arthur'. Brand will also star in Drop Dead Fred, which is purported to be a remake, even though no one actually saw the original Phoebe Cates / Rik Mayall masterpiece from 1991.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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