Written by anthonyrosania

Friday, 22 October 2010


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Lindsay Lohan Complains that Rehab, Not Flaming Drug Addiction, Is Ruining Her Career

Lindsay Lohan, who is such a f--k-up sh-tstorm generator that her admitted lesbianism wasn't even newsworthy, told her probation officer that continued, inpatient treatment would be a hardship financially, and damaging to her what's left of her career.

"She needs to get back to work, immediately," said Dina Lohan, Lindsay's parasitic mother, who receives 10% of all of Lindsay's earnings. "I haven't had a facelift in months!"

According to documents prepared for today's hearing, Lindsay is focused on exactly what she should: Her sh-tty clothing line, which she claims is 'falling apart because she is not available to monitor the product.'

"She complained about her clothing line, not being able to start a movie in November, and her perfume line," said a source in the probation department. "Not once did she mention anything about being sober. Twat."

"Lindsay absolutely believes that rehab has been a positive experience," said Michael Lohan, wearing his 'pay attention to me' t-shirt outside of the Betty Ford clinic. "It looks like the 242nd time is the charm. Not... Not that I know this for sure. I haven't spoken to Lindsay since she was 14."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Lindsay Lohan

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
71 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more