Lindsay Lohan Drug Dealer Caught Filing for Government Assistance

Funny story written by Charpa93

Friday, 1 October 2010

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The fallout from Lindsay Lohan's relapse, recapture and rehab, a new twist on the three R's, has put quite a few people out of work. None more so than her own private Idaho drug dealer, who was so busy just supplying Li-Lo and her entourage with quality snorts and giggles that he didn't take the time to rustle up some new business.

The fact that Gregory "the Grunge" Gordon didn't think far ahead enough wasn't so much his fault as the fault of those around him who kept telling him he was one lucky SOB for getting Li-Lo to trust him for all her late-night, early morning and middle afternoon indulgences. "Look man, I was so busy running down the drugs for this chick and her peeps I figured the party was gonna go on for a long, long time. Little did I know the little Gretchen was too stupid not to get caught every time she got early release. Look at her now. How the hell am I supposed to get that stuff into her where she is? And without her money, her peeps aren't coming around as much anymore either."

Gordon says he deserved help and decided to file for aid from the government. Sounds crazy, we know, but hey, with all that extra stuff lying around and getting stale, and bills coming due from the source, he needed some extra cash. The Grunge knows his way around a welfare line or two and figured a few welfare checks and some food stamps would hold off his suppliers until Li-Lo got released again in a couple of days. That isn't likely to happen this time though.

Thing is, the Grunge, actually listed "drug dealer" as employment on his application. Looks like this guy could also use a lesson in the three R's, readin', [w]ritin' and retarded.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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