Written by Nick Hobbs

Friday, 22 October 2010

image for Katie Waissel Collapses In Topshop
Katie Waissel, sporting her free clothing from Topshop.

Katie Waissel, hated pop-tart and X-Factor fungus, collapsed whilst getting free stuff given to her in Topshop, yesterday.

The starlet-to-be, with as much dress sense as a blind parrot, was browsing around the London store, which had been opened especially and exclusively for the X-Factor contestants, because they're so important now, when the media stunt was pulled.

Dropping to the floor and placing the back of her hand to her forehead, the pop-wannabe let out a mournful sigh and exclaimed "Oohh, woe is me..."

Shop assistants looked on, unsure what to do, and who exactly she was. After several minutes it was decided she must be part of the X-Factor party, but unsure if she was crew or performer, the assistants were unable to decide an exact course of action.

As the minutes ticked by, Waissel, realising her stunt had fallen on deaf eyes, picked herself up and straightened her mis-matched clothing and stomped off towards the lingerie department.

Luckily, her agent had already called The Sun and the Mirror, so a photographer was on hand to capture the performance.

Looking back at footage, Lenny Denizen of Film Magazine, told us "as acting goes, it was atrocious, she wouldn't even get a part in Neighbours with that act!"

Barry Gob, 36, a regular veiwer of the show, said "I heard about her collapse, but I'm told she was putting it on, so there's nothing actually wrong with her, which is a shame!"

Waissel, who is due to make it to the final of the X-Factor this year, has arranged to collapse in Hyde Park later this week, followed by Goldsmiths and finally a McDonalds in Hammersmith station.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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