Written by Marcus Battenburg

Monday, 27 September 2010

X-Factor reject Chloe Mafia Has spoken out on ITV's This Morning about the allegations she is a paid escort and a heavy coke user.

Speaking to Phil and the other one that's not Fern she said "No, right I's didn't do any of that right because I's didn't right you's are a proper bunch of liars and that aye."

Clearly confused Phil then asked for a translator to be brought in. The translator then spoke for Chole "What she said was "I strongly deny any allegations brought towards me. I am a responsible mother and always make sure I have a freezer full of Turkey Twizzlers and Oven chips so my child gets her five a day."

When asked how much she charges for a Filthy Lopez she replied "We'll sort summat out innit?"

Phil then began to probe her about her Coke use to which Ms Mafia stated "No i's never used it. 55p a can is like way to much. And anyway the lad that used to lift it for me from Morrissons has been banged up for selling rip-off Gucci"

The interview was then cut short as the one that's not Fern anymore began to beat Chole with her clipboard.

In this humble reporter's opinion I cannot see any man in his right mind wanting to have sex with such a fugly mongrel.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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