Susan Boyle to release Contraceptive

Written by Ozone91

Tuesday, 21 September 2010


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Following the success of the recently released JLS condoms (choose a member to cover your member), Trojan have announced that they will be releasing a rival product designed to prevent unwanted pregnancies and the spread of STDs. The Susan Boyle inspired product, going by the name 'The SuBophragm', is designed to prevent males from having sexual contact.

'The design means that men are physically unable to perform any sex acts which may lead to pregnancy,' said one insider. 'The beauty of the product is that it doesn't need to be in action to have an effect. Just thinking about The SuBophragm is enough for men to completely lose their erec...citment.'

Currently in the early phases of design, few details are available. However, it is thought that the product is intended to be a natural contraceptive, therefore fitting with Boyle's religious views. When asked how the product could be a natural contraceptive, we were told in no uncertain terms to 'Piss off.' However, further investigation led us to believe it involves some sort of replica doll of Boyle.

A spokesman for Durex, manufacturer of the JLS condoms issued the following statement; 'Although we admire Trojan for their originality, the fact is many men already use a mental version of the SuBoPhragm to prolong the sexual experience. Therefore unless used at exactly the right time, the product will only serve to lengthen enjoyment.'

We are interested to hear what you think. Have you any experience using your own 'SuBophragm' to prolong or avoid sex? Please let us know.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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