ITV to close Jeremy Kyle Show helpline

Written by Nick Ers

Saturday, 18 September 2010

ITV bosses have announced that they are to close the helpline number for guests on The Jeremy Kyle Show.

As part of cost-cutting measures, they are closing the number shown at the ad breaks as the show now selects guests for the in its local Netto supermarket.

A junior researcher walks around the store, listening for the sound of scratters bellowing at each other and, wearing appropriate safety wear, gets them to follow him out of the main entrance where the capture team is waiting with Tasers and a massive net.

A spokesman for chav-scum last night told this reporter: "Got a ciggy,mate? No? Well, f**k off, yer t**t!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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