Abbey Clancy And Peter Crouch Having A Baby - "I Don't Believe It!" Says Victor Mildew

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Thursday, 16 September 2010


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Abbey Clancy And Peter Crouch Having A Baby - "I Don't Believe It!" Says Victor Mildew
Daddy? Who's Monica Mint?

There was one person who didn't greet the news that WAG extraordinaire, Abbey Clancy, and vertically unchallenged whoremongering Tottenham and England striker, Peter Crouch are to have a baby, with the traditional 'Aaaah! Bless!'

Victor Mildew, of Surbiton - allegedly the inspiration behind TV sitcom character, Victor Meldrew, really did utter the immortal line:

"I don't believe it!"

Mildew then proceeded to go on a long, rambling rant regarding bloody footballers not being able to keep it in their pants, and bloody wags being more 'shameless' than TV comedy/drama character Frank Gallagher.

Speaking to SEN's Buffty Ginslinger from his back garden - where he'd been staked out naked and smeared with organic honey close to an ant's nest by a vindictive neighbour - Mildew said:

"It's bloody ridiculous! It's not five minutes ago that Crouch was paddling that Monica Mint in Madrid and they were talking about splitting up! Now they're having a bloody baby, so everything's hunky-bloody-dory again I suppose. The bloody lot of 'em want horsewhipping. Bloody degenerates!...You couldn't untie me, could you old chap?"

At which point Buffty Ginslinger mumbled something about not being able to see intricate knots without his spectacles, and promptly buggered off.

Insiders say that the baby will probably be very tall.

More as we get it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more