The Expandables to Open in Theatres Friday

Funny story written by Throckmorton Turdblossom

Wednesday, 11 August 2010

image for The Expandables to Open in Theatres Friday
Rosie shows her orgasms come from a good cheeseburger.

In an attempt to take advantage of the press for The Expendables, and new movie titled The Expandables will open this Friday. The film, which has nothing at all to do with a bunch of old action stars, will feature the talents and fat rolls of several of Hollywood's biggest stars.

Gabourey Sidibe, fresh off her Oscar nomination for last year's Precious, stars in this multi-racial movie about the adventures of a group of multi-racial women at an all you can eat buffet. Also starring in the movie are Queen Latifah, Oprah Winfrey (in one of her fat modes), Camryn Manheim, Rosie O'Donnell, and Roseanne Barr (or whatever last name she is currently using).

These women attempt to prove that love of chocolate, ice cream, bbq sauce, and an all you can eat buffet is more important than love or their careers as the try to attract a group of chubby chasers also eating in the same restaurant.

None of the actresses are doing a press circuit for the release of this movie as none have been able to leave the restaurant where it was filmed. Said Gabourey, "it's fried chicken Tuesday tomorrow and I gotta get me some of that crispy before Camryn tries to eat it all."

Director John Walters said that "this movie gives new meaning to the actresses and their rolls. In fact, we had to roll them onto the stage each morning before shooting."

In honor of the movie, participating theatres will offer free, all you can eat popcorn (no charge for extra butter flavoring).

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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