Written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 21 July 2010

image for America's Got Talent: The Odds on Favorite Is Currently Alice Tan Ridley, Who Happens To Be Gabourey Sidibe's Mom
Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger has reportedly stated that if Ronith does not stop impersonating him he is going to sue him.

HOLLYWOOD - Nick "The Stick" Cannon, host of America's Got Talent and soon-to-be-papa of his wife Mariah Carey's twin baby girls has never looked happier.

He has participated in more of the AGT acts this year than any host in the history of reality shows

Nicky says that it helps him to keep in shape and plus he loves reaching out and touching the element of danger right on the face.

One of the best singing contestants this year is Alice Tan Ridley, who for the past 20 years, has been singing in the subways of New York City for 75 cents a song.

Ridley's biggest fan (no pun intended) is her 603 pound daughter Gabourey Sidibe, who was nominated for Best Actress this year, but lost out to the "Kissing Bandit" Sandra Bullock.

Alice sang the Gladys Knight and The Pips hit song "Midnight Train To Georgia" and when that train pulled in to the Atlanta station Mrs. Ridley received a standing ovation from the judges, the audience, and even the staff in the director's room.

Another singer who many like is the oddish looking Hannibal Means. The man can flat out sing, but he is one of the scariest looking dudes to ever appear on the America's Got Talent stage.

He not only sings, but he also makes his own clothes, hats, socks, and underwear. He also cooks, sweeps, mops, darns the drapes, and damns the torpedoes. If the man was a woman he/she would make some man one fantastic wife.

But on the other side of the coin is an impressionist from India named Ronith, which in Indian must surely mean something like talentless, lousy, or what the hell is that.

Ronnie, as Nick The Stick calls him did an impression of John Wayne that caused the British judge Piers Morgan to X him immediately.

He then did Jim Carrey which sounded more like Taylor Swift on helium. Howie Mandel almost threw up.

Ronith's most popular impression, that of California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, quickly got his X'ed by Sharon "Sniffles" Osbourne.

Ron the Stupid, as Morgan calls him, did a Sylvester Stallone impression that sounded more like a cross between Donald Rumsfeld and a penguin with laryingytis.

How in the world Ronith has made it this far is amazing. A couple in Delaware, Barty and Lola Fingerfoot have filed a $1.6 million annoyance lawsuit against the show, the judges, and host Nick Cannon.

The state of Indiana has passed legislation making it illegal for any parents or grandparents to allow anyone under the age of 12 to watch the strange as hell Ronith.

Reportedly even Courtney Love has said that Ronith has traumatized her beyond belief.

To view some extremely horribly scary photos of Ronith log on to www.uglyuglyugly.yuc.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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