WASILLA, Alaska - Bristol Palin's orthodontist has revealed that Sarah and Todd Palin's oldest daughter has broken off her engagement to her longtime boyfriend and fiance Levi Johnston.
Dr. Elroy "Puffy" Hickorypux, 83, said that apparently Bristlecone, as he calls young Palin, saw an email from Levi to his ex-girlfriend, Kathy "The Red Cougar" Griffin telling her how much he missed her red bush.
Bristol admitted that at first, since she is still somewhat naive, she thought Levi was referring to a type of flowering plant.
She talked it over with her mother who informed her daughter that she is 98 percent sure that Levi was referring to the pubic hair surrounding Ms. Griffin's wissy pissy (snatchola).
Bristol is quite devastated as she had just recently agreed to take Levi back and they were already planning on their wedding.
She stated that they had already booked Wasilla's locally popular Accordion Andy & His Oompah Band to play at their wedding reception at The Rambunctious Roaming Reindeer Reception Hall in downtown Wasilla.
The ex-governor of Alaska told her daughter that young skirt chasers like Levi will never change. She told her to just look at Charlie Sheen, Jesse James, and that $400 hairdoed senator from North Carolina John "The Dixie Dork" Edwards.
Bristol asked her mom what in the world Levi could possibly see in Griffin who is old enough to be his mother.
Mrs. Palin shook her head and replied, "Ya know sweety. I betcha dat I have no effen idea. I mean my goodness the slutty bitch is 49.
And excuse me honey because you know mommy never cusses except when she hears someone mention the name of that little, bitty, backstabbing, low-life bleached blonde midget Katie Couric.
Bristy baby, think about it, mommy is only 46. Little girl can you picture that turd head Levi in bed with that skank of a slut Griffin? Yuckers! Yuckers! Yuckers! Darlin' that would be like mommy going to bed with John McCain...Yuckers! Yuckers! Yuckers!"
SIDENOTE: Sarah Palin told her daughter that she wants her to just forget about Levi "Mush For Brains" Johnston. Bristol said she is going to try. Palin told her little girl that she would take her up in the state helicopter so that she could shoot a moose, elk, caribou, or reindeer. Bristol asked why. And "Shotgun" Sarah replied, "So that it will help you to forget about the fact that once again, you have been dumped by that no good son-of-a-bitch Charlie Sheen wannabee twat chasing Levi the Wandering Wienie."
