Madonna to Become a Nun?

Funny story written by C. Cranium

Monday, 19 July 2010


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Madonna outrunning Paparazzi.

Madison, New Jersey. Contrary to anything her fans may believe Madonna was 'called' by a higher order, and went to Her Holiness Monastery in the wee hours this morning. Supposedly with the purpose of becoming a nun.

Singing 'Just like a virgin' on the entrance walk thru the quiet Her Holiness campus Madonna seemed serene and resolute. She was last seen entering the cloister, the inner and holy grounds of the convent. If the story is true Madonna may never be in the public eye again as the outlandish diva, extraordinary successful pop and movie star. Her pointy tits lost to the secular world.

As the story stands now Madonna's conversion to devout person happened instantaneously when she witnessed the death of fellow star and friend Gwyneth Paltrow, who choked on a large bit of steak at the Four Seasons restaurant in Manhattan and died of asphyxiation as the unschooled-in-Heimlich Madonna watched. At least that is according to Jimmy Balesteros, the Four Seasons waiter, who reported the dubious death. The story has been corroborated by other employees of Four Seasons -- who spoke some English. Balesteros, is the same waiter who mistakenly reported that Tom Selleck streaked the restaurant yelling something in Hawaiian. Confirmation of the Paltrow story is still being sought at Bellevue Hospital where there was patient (or body) delivered from the Four Seasons. Attempts to contact Paltrow's residence have failed.

Her fans all know that Madonna practices chastity, poverty and obedience in her Kabala faith, but to become a nun seems far-fetched. Madonna was raised as a Catholic but drifted from the religion at an early age and posed for nude photos when still in her teens. Her life in music, movies, and the spotlight has further taken her from Catholicism. In recent months she has dated A-Rod, of the Yankees, and been seen partying at numerous spots around Manhattan -- hardly the life of a convent dweller.

Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone will be missed for all the great music, fine movies, and crazy controversy. If the story proves true. This reporter and fans secretly hopes that Madonna had other motives in entering the Monastery.

Interestingly Drew University is adjacent to Her Holiness Monastery and the home of the New York Giant summer training camp. Rumors have spread that Madonna was seen with Giant Quarterback Eli Manning when A-Rod was on a road trip to Los Angeles. Maybe, just maybe, Madonna was using the Monastery as a decoy and she went right through the sacred rounds, hopped the ten foot wall, and landed in the Giants practice field and Manning's arms. You never know with this unpredictable star.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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