Oprah Winfrey Announces New Hand Tool Line of Products

Funny story written by C. Cranium

Monday, 19 July 2010

image for Oprah Winfrey Announces New Hand Tool Line of Products
New 'Oprah Handyperson' Tool.

Oprah Winfrey, the entrepreneur, is continuing to expand her empire into new and surprising areas. The latest venture is into the home improvement market place in a big way. Beginning this month a new regular entrée in the Oprah Magazine will feature do-it-yourself stories of Oprah endorsed home projects and introductory sale prices of the new 'Oprah Handyperson' product line of hand tools.

To kick off the venture the Oprah Show will have guests of homeowners and contractors titled "How to manage contractors". A lively banter between the parties is expected with Oprah finessing the maximum amount of understanding and advise. Also during the show new television commercials will be aired of Tim Allen, Tool Time, and Norm Abrams, Yankee Workshop, touting the new product line.

The Oprah Magazine section will begin this month with guest Jessica Biel telling how she sheet rocked her basement. Also included will be a monthly how-to column - this publication is how to paint molding without slopping on the wall. Future publications will feature; the Three Stooges on how not to fix a leaky faucet- written in 1948; Steve Strasburg, professional baseball pitcher, on how to throw paint and have it look like a Jackson Pollock; and Shaquille O'neal on how easy it is to replace a ceiling light bulb with a green cost saving fluorescent bulb.

If you want a quality hammer, socket wrench, rip saw, block plane, or just about any non-power tool the shelves are stocked at Sears, Home Depot, and Lowes. All the products were manufactured in the US and include a lifetime warranty. No Chinese dudes in this product line as the quality and price is comparable to Sears Craftsman lifetime, or Snap-on tools used by professionals. Oprah is donating ten percent of profits to charity and has stated that, "I am investing in this adventure to help America retain and grow jobs".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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