Written by Bureau

Monday, 28 June 2010

image for Kristen Stewart: I Don't Know If I Want To Marry Vlad the Impaler, Dracula's Cousin

After finding out that he is actually a descendant of Vlad II Dracula, or Vlad the Impaler, Kristen Stewart has kept her distance from her longtime beau, Robert Pattinson, except for personal appearances.

"What if he has the blood of Vlad the monster still in him? Also, the blood of a lot of Vlad's neighbors and all his military victories and impaling the captors. He was a monster."

Pattinson, who only laughs when it's mentioned, stated that Kristen is having them on. I admit I have this thing about the character, Edward Cullen, but he is a fictional character.

But Kristen isn't convinced. She had some problems getting the character "Bella" out of her real life about a year ago.

"Stephenie Meyer is a descendant also. Robert said so. So what if that is where she got her Twilight books and now movies? That's where Brad Stoker got HIS book from, the legend of Vlad."

She stated that it might be a little harder to stay in the same room with Robert Pattinson without thinking of old great-great-great-great Uncle Vlad who impaled people.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
40 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more