NEW ORLEANS - Jake Pavelka was in town visiting a friend who is trying to sell his shrimp boat. Pavelka said that he was interested in buying it until he saw it and noticed that it was completely covered with oil from the BP Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill.
Jake said that he should have realized that the asking price of $17 was just too good to be true.
Lafayette F. Thibodeaux, owner of the shrimp boat, The Bayou Bitch, said that he has already lowered the price down from $29, to $22, and now to $17.
He did tell Pavelka that he could buy the boat and move it to Marina Del Rey in California. Pavelka said that the damn thing is covered with tar balls.
Pavelka was asked about his breakup with his fiancee Vienna Girardi. He said that it was a personal matter between him and Vie Vie, as he calls her when they are in bed making love.
Jake was told that Vienna had said that the reason they broke up was because she did not like the fact that he has a 3 inch wiener like Jon Gosselin.
Pavelka angrily asked, "The bitch said that?"
When told that she sure had he raised his eyebrows and said that the real reason that he had dumped her was because he had been told that she was having an illict affair with Mary Cheney the lesbianite daughter of former Vice President Dick "Dickless" Cheney.
When Mary Cheney was informed of this allegation she became very upset and said that Vienna is not her type. When asked what her type is, she replied that her type is a woman who does not look like she just got spooked by a ghost.
Cheney stated that her type is also a woman who does not have the worst personality on both sides of the Mississippi River.
Jake confided to Perez Hilton that his pecker is much bigger than just three inches and he told Hilton that he could look at it and measure it if he liked.
"I like!" Hilton shouted.
SIDENOTE: There is a rumor circulating that next year Jake Pavelka will be appearing on Dancing With The Stars, the New Guinea version.
