Takwana Smith and Anitakapita Jones speak on 'Mark Lowton joining a monastery' and 'Susan Boyle becoming a nun'

Funny story written by Lady Godiva

Saturday, 19 June 2010

image for Takwana Smith and Anitakapita Jones speak on 'Mark Lowton joining a monastery' and 'Susan Boyle becoming a nun'
Isn't he cute? Who IS this 'eye candy'?

Recently interviewed by our satirist, Lady Godiva, Takwana Smith and Anitakapita Jones, (residents of Cargo Fleet, Middlesbrough, England - both sporting 'South Bank facelifts - see below for definition), alleged new acquaintences of The Spoof's own Mark Lowton, spoke out, without hesitation, or censorship, about Mark's reported plan to join a monastery and Susan Boyle's plan to join a convent.

(I, Lady G., hereby claim the title for The Spoof's longest sentence to date.)

Takwana commented, "Ee well! A don' fink Mark shud go te be a monk or anyfing coz 'e's kinda cute an' e' likes te talk so wot would be the gud of 'im goin' to a monast....monest...monster....fingy. Even if they made their own beer, Mark'd no' be 'appy coz 'e's ded gud at The Spoof, keepin' all those silly buggers in line like in i'?"

Anitakapita added her twopenneth-worth,

"Yeah! A agree wiv me frend, Takwana', coz Mark knows the pair o' us now and we fink of 'im as a frend, even tho' we've no' me' 'im ye'. 'E's easy on the eyes in' 'e like?
As fer Subo being a bleedin' nun...well tha's jus' ded bleeding gormless in' i'?

She's just got used to all them nice frocks, make-up an' gettin' 'er 'air dun. A think it's a load o' bollocks. A think it's a bleeding made up story A do. Someone's just tryin' te ge' their article published in the Spoof arn thee. That's wor A fink anyways."

Takwana continued, 'Ey, Arv just given our lad a photo of Mark tha' A go' off 'is website fingy. A be' yous're wonderin' why arn' yeah? Well, it's coz Arm gonna ge' a ta'oo of Mark on me left shoulder. A told our lad it's a photo of me bruvver who woz killed in a drug bust a coupla yers ago. Our lad's ded stupid so e' believes i' like. 'E's gonna do the ta'oo wen 'e ge's sum fresh needles. Well yerv gotta be safe an' clean wiv needles righ?"

Anitakapita interrupted the interview and cut it short saying,

"'Ey, Takwana, we're gonna be late fer Bingo if we don' 'erry up and it's the bleeding big jackpo' tonigh'.
Tara Lady G. Catch up wi' yer later like."

NOTE: A 'Cargo Fleet Facelift' occurs when a lass pulls her up so tightly that it pulls up the skin of her face, resulting in a temporary face lift.So endeth this interview. More later.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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