Susan Boyle has come forward to speak about her serial killer brother.
Susan was watching a 'true crime' channel on t.v. At the end of the programme there was a plea to viewers to come forward with any tips they may have about serial killers not yet behind bars.
Ms. Boyle dutifully wrote down the telephone number which appeared on screen at the end of the show. She then called in to report her brother, who cannot be named for obvious reasons.
She was visited by detectives yesterday evening and it was then discovered that Ms. Boyle had misunderstood the plea. Susan, as she admits, was not an 'A' student when it came to the English language. She was not 'up' on her HOMONYMS and, when she 'outed' her brother as a serial killer, she had really meant a 'cereal killer'.
Apparently, one of her brothers regularly took the inner package out of boxes of cereals and hit them with a rolling pin, reducing cereals, on a regular basis, to crumbs.
This obsession of his eventually 'got' to the Boyle family, who had to resort, eventually, to putting a padlock on the cupboard which 'housed' cereals. Each sibling took it in turn to 'hold' the key to the padlock in an effort to eat 'whole grains' for breakfast and not, 'powdered grains'.
Police did not press charges as they said that this was a 'homonym' error which they came across on a regular basis.
Police spokesman,Harry Copper, said, "We've had reportings of 'bear cubs' appearing in downtown Middlesbrough, only to find they were 'bare cubs' i.e. naked cub scouts running through the streets on a 'dare', also reports of illegal aliens in the shopping centre being tied to stakes and tasered, only to find that they were 'vegetarians tied to steaks and being teased'.
The English language is indeed, a complicated language.
Someone rang in a complaint of a 'buck being beaten by angry activists, outside the Town Hall.' Fearing the worst, members of the Save the Deer campaign rushed to the scene. When police arrived they found it was actually a 'book (the bible) being struck with baseball bats by angry atheists'.
Another incident involved police being called to a 'rape' after receiving an email, only to rush to the local theatre to discover there was a 'rap' party taking place, to which they had been invited. Oops! Typo!
The list goes on and on and on.
