L.A. Lakers Win! Thousands of L.A. "Losers" Arrested!

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 18 June 2010

image for L.A. Lakers Win! Thousands of L.A. "Losers" Arrested!
A Tio Tavo Taco & Tamale Diner which the L.A. "Losers" set fire to in their happy celebration ritual.

LOS ANGELES - The mayor of the nation's second largest city, Los Angeles had his worst fears realized.

Just as he had stated earlier in the week, Mayor Antonio "El Homey Boy Tony" Villaraigosa was afraid that if the Lakers won the NBA title the fans (citizens) of the Left Coast's largest city would celebrate by burning the hell out of pretty much anything that they could put a match or Bic lighter to.

Los Angeles, which literally means "The City of Angeles" once again showed and proved to the nation and the sports world that whoever named the city, certainly picked the wrong friggin name.

The rioting Laker fans, who are just a very small minority of the decent, law abiding fans, join the List of Embarrassing L.A. People that includes Charles Manson, Sirhan Sirhan, Lindsay Lohan, O.J. Simpson, and Jay Leno.

Los Angeles' finest, the men and women in blue, once again had to face people who call themselves basketball fans, but who in reality closer resemble Taliban and Al Qaeda operatives dressed in baggy pants, baggy shirts, side-wearing baseball caps, and Dollar Store bling-bling.

Police reported arresting thousands of L.A. "Losers" for such infractions as drunkenness, arson, illegal possession of a grenade launcher, contributing to the delinquency of prostitutes, and tagging "Celtics Suck" graffiti on unsuspecting elderly people.

And two individuals, who reside in Cucamonga, and were identified as brothers Wardell and Shardell Fangbrewster, were arrested in the possession of a stolen heat-seeking mini-missile.

LAPD spokesperson Brenda Jo Slideweather stated that other violations included throwing burritos at passing motorists (the actual animal not the food), wearing burning orange traffic cones as hats, tossing newspaper racks at the Boston Celtics bus, and three cases of self-inflicted habeas corpus, and four cases of flagrantly soliciting half a pound of ipso facto.

The mayor was asked what had happened to his original threat, which had been suggested to him by Arizona Sheriff Joe "Pinky" Arpaio to shoot any fan lighting a fire.

The mayor paused, shook his head, and said that Governor Schwarzenegger had called him and told him that he had better not even consider the suggestion that "Pinky" Arpaio had made because the silly SOB has effed up his state and now he is trying to do the same with California.

And so once again, for the 16th time, the Los Angeles Lakers have been crowned the best team in basketball. But sadly the name 'best' cannot be used to describe a handful of their fans, who only seem to attend the games for the "After Game Victory Riot."

SIDENOTE: Luckily none of the "Nice" Laker fans nor any animals were hurt in the dysfunctional Laker merriment. One of the fans who was arrested for wearing a burning orange traffic cone was asked why he and others went on a lawless rampage. His reply was typical..."I think dat it be because we basically have deep rooted Oedipus complex issues, or maybe it's cause we're just Left Coast assholes."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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