Coney Dogs Delivered; Lives Saved

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Thursday, 13 May 2010

image for Coney Dogs Delivered; Lives Saved
The simple natural casing hot dog before grilling.

Lives were indeed spared yesterday with the delivery of a much needed "care" package from the city of Detroit.

The corners of the box were still smoking from the apparent evaporating dry ice, and the contents were indeed still frozen. The receiving family in need, struggling to find a decent Coney dog since arriving in Wisconsin, unexpectedly focused their attention to the small chunk of dry ice inside the Styrofoam box, rather than the food. "Watch this", Skippy Winkelstein said while dropping the chunk of anti-matter ice into the powder room commode. The bowl turned into a steaming caldron of evil, while the father reportedly just laughed. The oldest daughter recoiled in fear, with the younger daughter simply said, "cool".

"It's as if I had already eaten a dozen Coney dogs and this is the after effect", Winkelstein said, while his wife just shook her head in disgust at the juxtaposition.

It wasn't long before Winkelstein began to chip away at the frozen container of chili sauce, freeing a chunk for the microwave. The hotdogs were next, grilled to perfection and slathered in both chili and mustard. Topped with fresh chopped, pungent and powerful yellow onions, the Coney disappeared into the mouths of appreciative connoisseurs.

"Our quality of life has just improved ten fold", said Winkelstein as he dabbed the last bit of chili sauce from the corner of his mouth. The dog reportedly received no table scraps.

The price was paid the following morning, resulting in the closure of the 4th floor men's restroom at Winkelstein's place of business. Though apparently alone in the restroom at the time, his voice could be heard echoing through the halls, "Nurse! I need another roll, STAT!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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