Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 8 June 2010

image for Susan Boyle Voted Best-Looking Woman In West Lothian
Boyle yesterday

Susan Boyle, the talented Scottish singer, has been voted the 'best-looking woman in West Lothian' in a local 'beauty pageant'.

Which doesn't say much for the rest of the county.

Boyle, a right dog, er, underdog, when she entered the Britain's Got Talent show last year, wowed an audience of millions with her stunningly-sweet singing voice, if not her distorted features, and brought even brought a lump to my throat.

Despite this, I wasn't sick.

Yesterday, though, it emerged that the local beauty contest organised at Boyle's local pub, The Ugly Duckling, had been won by the chirpy warbler, with a first prize of £50.

Agnes 'Aggy' McFilth, 63, who finished in second place, told us:

"Och, Susan's a one-in-a-million kinda lassie, so she es! She's a heart o' gold, as well as a couple o' teeth."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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