Coronation Street sourpuss Gail McIntyre (née Potter; previously Tilsley, Platt & Hillman) is on the hunt for a man so that she can conceive a child with a chin that she can't provide.
The chinless wonder - who has alternatively been compared to a rat, a scrawny diseased mouse and a penis with no foreskin - says that she doesn't want her, as yet, unborn child to grow up like she did in the tough streets of Weatherfield without a lower half of the face.
"I've had a shit life so far. All my husbands either die, are serial killers or run off with other women with chins - and let's not mention all the times I've ended up in prison", she said.
"My ugly, weedy son Nick went upstairs to do his homework one episode and five years later he returned with a muscular body and blonde locks. That was pretty disturbing and hard to take", she added.
She has drawn up a list of men who could provide that much-desired chin.
Top of the list is football pundit Jimmy Hill.
"He has a fucking huge chin! Its so big it would certainly fill out my as-yet unborn child's lower face", Gail squawked in her distinctly grating voice.
George Clooney is also high on the list.
"But he's as limp-wristed as Julian Clary. I'd need to wear a fake beard to get him in bed", she added.
Dead Coronation Street star Fred Elliott is also in contention because he had about twenty chins tucked beneath his fat face.
"If I could just get Ashley to dig up his body and grab a sample of his DNA then I'd be in business", Gail plotted.
"I say, I say! Not bloody likely, woman, I say", said the ghost of Fred Elliott in horror.
