N-Dubz Too Wicked For NYC

Written by Skoob1999

Thursday, 29 April 2010

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Strange news from New York City - Harlem dude Chester Scott-Heron, who lives on 125th Street by the el-tracks close to Lexington Avenue invited British hardcore rappers N-Dubz from Camden Town over for a visit, but they declined.

A clearly baffled Scott-Heron told me:

"I heard that these guys were Britain's top gangsta rap outfit, so I invited them over here for a visit, to see where rap really started. You know, all that ghetto stuff, the Bronx, Uptown, the 125 - I thought they might relate to it. Then they said they couldn't make it. I was devastated. I was really looking forward to showing these guys the hood. I don't know what happened, but they chose not to show."

A spokesman claiming to represent N-Dubz told me:

"What? You think Dappy is going to go to Harlem? Are you insane? Dappy's just a little guy who talks a lot. He's real good at threatening women radio callers. But Harlem? Are you crazy? Harlem's full of black guys - big black guys, proper black guys. Dappy's only a weed in a hat - he couldn't deal with Harlem."

Scott-Heron, although mystified by the response from London 'ghetto' Camden Town, told me:

"That Tulisa would have had to cover her bits up. In my hood, you look like a two dollar hoe, that's what you are. And Fazer? Ah screw them dudes. They ain't street. Fazer sounds like a tacky graffiti writer tag. Fuck N-Dubz. They ain't down. What's Camden like anyway? Is it like Union Square?"

The so-called N-Dubz rep then said:

"N-Dubz is really street, man. What them big Yankees know about rap anyway? Nottin,' innit. Them damn Yankees wanna know what proper 'street' is, them need to check out me man Dappy. And Fazer. Him bad. And Tulisa don't dress like no hoe."

An independent survey conducted by Skoob News extablished that Dappy, Fazer, and Tulisa, wouldn't last two minutes in a proper hood. This conclusion was determined by the fact that these hard core gangstas are basically just short-arses with big mouths and no dress sense.

N-Dubz - Talking the same old crap to a new generation. Only, from a midget point of view.

Spot the twat in the hat.

Lost On The Underground.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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