Kristen Stewart Ate My Baby Wabbit!

Written by Skoob1999

Friday, 23 April 2010


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Run Like Fuck! It's Kristen Stewart!


Wow! It seems like the stars of the Twilight saga are really being hammered by an internet hate campaign, probably launched by sad individuals who are sick and tired of hearing about Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner and their slick, sexy, Hollywood superstar sex appeal.

Violent Frenzy

The latest star of the saga to come under fire is Kristen Stewart - Bella in the franchise - who was investigated by cops from the Keystone Police Department following allegations by a man named George Slamdunk from Newton Le Willows in the UK, who alleges that Kristen attacked, killed and ate a baby rabbit which he'd bought as a pet. Kristen was allegedly responsible for the violent frenzy.

George Slamdunk

Investigating Officer Joseph Columbo of the KPD said that the claims by George Slamdunk didn't appear to have any substance and would probably wind up being tossed into the 'unsolved' file. He said that he, Officer Columbo, himself, personally, had uncovered evidence which suggested that Slamdunk was a semi-professional internet mischief-maker who had made all manner of outlandish revelations about media personalities in the past.

Animal Lover

Despite the outlandish nature of the accusations levelled at Miss Stewart, she was said to be 'horrified' and 'really upset' to think that her fans would log on to a story alleging that she had eaten a baby rabbit. She decribed herself as an animal lover, who could not contemplate eating an animal. Aside from the odd burger. Maybe a lamb chop. A steak occasionally. A couple of chickens.


Look out for the sparks. They will fly.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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