Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, Sandra Bullock, Cheryl Cole, and Kerry Katona To Star in "Titanic 3 - What Blimey Iceberg?"

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 22 April 2010

image for Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, Sandra Bullock, Cheryl Cole, and Kerry Katona To Star in "Titanic 3 - What Blimey Iceberg?"
The HMS Monty Python will be doubling as The HMS Titanic.

LONDON - Noted Italian producer Bellanino Terrabini has announced that he will begin filming on his latest ocean going epic, Titanic 3 - What Blimey Iceberg? in late May.

Terrabini says that he is really looking forward to working with one of the world's most famous couples, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. He noted that Pattinson and Stewart are even more famous than the Obama's of Washington D.C., the Parkers of San Antonio, or the Plasters of Paris.

He pointed out that he is also thrilled to be working with Sandra Bullock, the small-breasted, soon-to-be-ex-wife of that womanizing turd hound Jesse James.

Terrabini said that he is lucky to have convinced Bullock to appear in his movie because since winning her Oscar for Best Actress she has only been seen out in public once and that was when she had to go into a McDonald's to pee.

Regarding Cheryl Cole, Terrabini said that he offered to donate £10,000 [$15,400 U.S.] to her divorce fund. The 5 foot 3 inch Cole said that she has always wanted to star in a big ocean going epic and Titanic 3 - What Blimey Iceberg? will certainly fill the bill.

She was asked about her BFF Derek "The Dancing Dude" Hough. Cheryl blushed and said that she emails Derry at least ten times a day, she texts him at least 12 times a day, and she has some highly erotic daydreams about him at least 15 times a day.

And rounding out the Titanic cast will be Kerry Katona former member of the all girl British band Atomic Kitten. Katona is noted for having won the third season of England's I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here.

Katona has also appeared on three other very popular British reality shows including Hey 'ave Ya Seen Me Welly?, Who Wants To Be A Ponce?, and the David Frost hosted Codswallop My Arse.

In other news. The Ku Klux Klan has just announced that they will be closing their office in Iceland due to the tremendous amount of volcanic ash, which caused them to have to remove their robes and hoods thus exposing the true identities of the racist shitheads.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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