LONDON - Dawn French, who is all over the British newspaper, tabloids, and radio talk shows stated that she has gotten more publicity in the past few days than she has in the past two years.
French has announced that her and her husband of 25 years Lenny Henry are getting a divorce. When asked what the reason was Dawn said that Lenny had started telling her on a daily basis that she had just gotten too fookin' fat.
At first Dawn would deny his accusations and allegations, but one day he held a full length mirror in front of her and she said that she finally realized that Len was telling the truth and wasn't being just some stupid lying black fella.
Dawn said that she is sorry that she and Lenny will never share another Butterball turkey, or a family size pizza each with everything on them, or eight hot dogs each.
She smiled and said that at least now she won't have to change in the dark as she had been doing for the past three years so that Lenny would not see her industrial-sized arse (ass).
Dawn has said that she has been approached by Entourage Pictures in association with British Manor Productions to star as the lead in the story of Wilson Phillips singer Carnie Wilson.
The film entitled Excuse Me Sir Am I Wearing Shoes? will be directed by award winning director Bellanino Terrabini who recently directed Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart in the comedy, Vampires My Fookin' Ass.
The story of Carnie Wilson will be filmed on location in Venice Beach, California, and Wilson will serve as the on-set consultant along with her sister Wendy Wilson and their maternal grandmother Binnie Bipplebridge, 89½.
SIDENOTE: Dawn French has said that she has been told that the movie executives want her to gain about 17 more pounds so that she can get up to Wilson's top weight of 300 pounds. So each day she has been eating 45 Oreo Cookies.
