NBA Sports Announcer Marv Albert Suspended For His Watermelon Remark

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Saturday, 27 February 2010

image for NBA Sports Announcer Marv Albert Suspended For His Watermelon Remark
A basketball that Shaquille O'Neal autographed for Marv Albert two years ago and which he now wants back.

NEW ORLEANS - Veteran National Basketball Association sports announcer Marv Albert has been suspended by the NBA for a remark he made during the New Orleans Hornets - Cleveland Cavaliers game.

Albert who thought that his microphone was off remarked to his director Phineas Bibtenner that he had heard that when Cleveland player Shaquille O'Neal was in the sixth grade he had won the National Watermelon Eating Championship while only using one lip.

Mr. Bibtenner did not laugh and he was immediately told by the technicians in the broadcast truck that Albert's remark had gone out and that it was heard by roughly 7 million people.

Bibtenner said that within five minutes they had received over 200 phone calls complaining about Marv Albert's remarks.

Albert was asked to issue an apology and he stated, "Ladies and gentlemen a while ago I made a boo-boo. I made a stupid, dumb, asinine mother effen remark about Shaq eating six or seven watermelons, five chicken wings, and drinking two bottles of Ripple Wine in one sitting back when he was in grade school. Well it's not true. Shaq did not start drinking until he was well into high school."

The head technician in the truck instantly informed Bibtenner that, the chicken wings and Ripple Wine remarks had not been heard by the viewing and listening audience.

Bibtenner threw his hands up in the air and remarked, "Well Marvy baby, it looks like your goose has been cooked."

SIDENOTE: The NBA Committee of Racism, Bigotry, and Intolerance has decided that Marv Albert will be suspended for 12 hours. And the committee in behalf of Mr. Albert apologized to all black NBA players, black NBA coaches, black NBA cheerleaders, and black NBA hot dog vendors.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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