Adam Lambert Admits He Had Penis Enlargement Surgery

Tuesday, 26 January 2010

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The extra inches had to come from somewhere!

Reigning American Idol Runner-Up and all around gay guy Adam Lambert admitted to reporters that he had elective surgery on his recent concert tour of Southeast Asia. "When I stopped off in Bangkok, Thailand, I decided to take advantage of their medical practices and gave myself and extra four inches," admitted the individual who calls himself The Most Controversial Gay Man in America.

"While there, I also practiced some yoga and other middle eastern style stretching and exercise techniques. I discovered that, with a combination of my enlargement, my bending, and a viagra, I am now able to orally gratify myself, if you know what I mean."

With this new procedure and the added sexual abilities, Lambert said that "I have no more need for boyfriends or paid gigilos in my life. I have moved beyond heterosexual and homosexual to the unisexual!"

Adam admitted that he hadn't decided on what to call his new favorite sexual position, but said "it's not really a sixty-nine since there aren't two people. Since I loop around on myself and my legs are sticking out, I can't decide if I should call this a six or a nine."

Lambert further admitted that this surgery has given him increased love for himself, and that he has given himself matching wedding rings ("one for my right hand and one for my left").

Adam has also said that he is awaiting word on all of the courtroom drama on Proposition Eight in California so that he can find out whether or not he can marry himself (though he has admitted to proposing and hopes for a white wedding in June).

No word on whether or not he gags or swallows.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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