The Beatles Actually Were Bigger Than Jesus

Written by LisaPisa

Monday, 25 January 2010


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When John Lennon claimed that the Beatles were bigger than Jesus, everyone laughed.

But it has now been confirmed that the stupid scouse twat was telling the truth: the Beatles were actually bigger than Christianity's favourite bearded son.

Using a measuring tape and a little bit of that old scientific magic (dried shite), a team of anthropologists compared the size of the popular British pop group with paintings of Christ.
The results were stunning.

"John, Paul and George were 5' 11' and that funny little drummer boy was 5' 8''", said doctor Amos Brewerly of Yorkshire's prestigious Arsehole University, "in contrast, Jesus was a midget. He measured only 4' 2'' in his stocking feet".

Apparently Renaissance painters exaggerated the images they depicted of the life of Jesus.

"They got paid on the basis of how much they painted, so making the little fellow a few feet taller helped them earn a few more shillings for the odd night on the town".

So, the Beatles were bigger than Jesus?

"Yes. I just answered that, you silly sod", he replied.

Yoko Ono was delighted with the results.

"If John was alive he'd be very happy to be proved correct", she sighed, "then again, if John was alive he'd probably tell me to fuck off and stop cashing in on his name and re-releasing the Beatles Anthology again and again and again...God I miss the lank-haired naked weirdo..."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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