Over the past twelve months there has been an inordinate number of sightings of images of the saviour, Jesus Christ, in ordinary items, such as a door in a DIY store, a naan bread, a can of mushroom soup and a Wotsit, a maize snack.
Vatican insiders have been rather worried by the large number of graven images suddenly appearing across the world, from Delhi to Bolton, from Christchurch to Dallas, for they believe this to be the onset of Judgement Day, and have been busy preparing for the rapture.
The lid has been blown on the conspiracy though, with the source of the Christ images finally identified.
A company in Lytham St Annes, on the Fylde coast of the UK is the source of all the images.
For the past fifty years, they have been creating the idolatry for companies desperate for free advertising. From snack companies, to flat-pack furniture stores, the sudden appearance of an image of Jesus always makes the news, quite often appearing on the commercial free BBC, with plenty of free publicity.
Chris Peabody, the Managing Director of Graven Images Incorporated, has come clean. "The company has been in my family's possession for generations. We created the Turin shroud as a tourist attraction for an otherwise unprepossessing town in northern Italy, and it kind of grew from there. We have a good selling line of weeping Madonnas, but the printing of images of Jesus is our biggest line."
So the next time you see an image of Jesus in your latte from a coffee shop, instead of gazing in wonder, gaze instead at the artistry of Graven Images Incorporated.
