CHICAGO - Another title has been bestowed on electropop performer and reality television performer Heidi Montag.
The native of Crested Butte, Colorado, was in the 'Windy City' for appearances on The Oprah Winfrey Show, The Hello Chicago How The Hell Are You Morning Show, and The Lake Michigan Noon Time Show of The Freakarinos.
Oprah asked Heidi how many surgeries she has had. Montag thought for a while and then answered that with the ear lobe reduction she had yesterday the number comes to 38.
Heidi was proud to announce to Oprah that she has just been selected as the plastic industry's Plastic Poster Girl for 2010.
Montag said that in her capacity as Plastic Poster Girl for 2010 she will travel across the country preaching and expounding on the wonderment's of plastic and how it can aid in the elimination of asthma, tennis elbow, and dandruff.
Heidi stated that everything that she will be wearing on her travels will be made out of 100 percent plastic. She blushed and said that even her panties, bras, and sanitary napkins will be made out of plastic.
Winfrey asked her what some of the surgeries or procedures that she has had done include.
Heidi said that she has had two breast augmentations, she has had collagen injected into her G-spot, she has had her left nipple reassigned (moved closer to her cleavage), she has had her ovaries enhanced, her anal area permanently waxed, and she has had both of her knees circumcised.
Oprah remarked, "Damn girlfriend, I guess dat dee only part of your body dat still be real is dem two labias, da majority one and da minority one."
Montag started laughing, "Miss Winfrey you mean my labia majora and my labia minora."
"Well I just be's a lil old black girl from da south, so you gonna havta excuse da fact dat I don't know just a heck of a whole lot about all of dis intimate feminine stuff."
Heidi started giggling but quickly stopped. Oprah asked her if she was alright. Heidi answered that everything was okay, but it's just that lately when she laughs or even giggles it sometimes causes her ovaries to start vibrating and if she isn't careful one or both could easily dislodge and come on out.
Montag confided that it had happened back in December down in New Orleans when she and a lady friend were attending The Comedians of The Bayou State Competition at The Cajun Creole Comedy Club.
Heidi said that in the middle of Zydeco Dupree's routine she started laughing uncontrollably and the next thing she knew her friend was chasing her right ovary across the floor.
Montag said that it embarrassed her so much she started peeing right there at her table. Luckily it was dark and the place smelled like crayfish, shrimp etouffee, and Jambalaya, and so therefore no one could really smell the pee.
SIDENOTE: Heidi Montag was recently asked if with all of this plastic all over and inside her body, if she will still be able to bear children. Heidi answered that she most certainly would since there is no plastic in her cervix, her uterus, or her beautiful playpen (hoo-ha).
