Nicole Kidman's Secret Sex Life

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Thursday, 5 November 2009


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A Woman. Thinking About Sex. 4 Minutes Ago.

Award winning Aussie actress, Nicole Kidman, star of movies such as 'Eyes Wide Shut' 'Put Another Prawn On The Barbie Mate' and 'Christ Blue, That's A Whopper!' has shattered the illusion of her being an untouchable ice queen.

Kidman, once married to that short-arse out of Top Gun revealed sometime last week that she actually enjoys having sex, with men, and that she's really adventurous in her sexual activities.

Although for copyright reasons we can't repeat exactly what she said, we can inform you that she claims to have done it outdoors, indoors, in a car, on a beach, and up a eucalyptus tree with a koala bear watching.

Ms Kidman also hinted that she held a preference for certain items to be used in her decadent sex sessions. Among her stated favourites were:

Wax, string, wood shavings, pickled eggs, the Nintendo Wii, barbed wire, motor oil, a Coca-Cola bottle, an adjustable spanner, a newspaper, scissors, water based paint, wire coat hangers and fishing line.

And occasionally a bed. Preferably a really big one.

And mirrors. Lots of mirrors.

Ms Kidman did not specify how she used any of these items, other than that they were used in sexual exploits.

The short arse out of Top Gun refused to talk to us as he was too busy growing a beard.

It is expected that before long another celeb will reveal a secret sexual fascination with Tate&Lyle's Golden Syrup and a live ferret. But it hasn't happened.


More as we get it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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