Average Adult Entertainments Industry Worker Goes Blind Within Six Years

Funny story written by Bureau

Friday, 28 August 2009


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Better Eat Your Carrots!

A new study by Playguy of its own staff shows that the average time employees last is six years, but they usually leave when their vision can still be saved by wearing special lens in their glasses.

When the study was completed, Playguy, out of courtesy, called and gave their study results to Fat Tits Magazine who went over their records and found the same thing, almost.

"Apparently Joe in the letters department has been with us 22 years because he doesn't get out on the floor much. That alone brought our average up to 6.4 years", stated Harry Palms, the assistant manager in his third year. "That was mighty nice of Playboy to tip us off. I had already had to get new glasses last week."

When we talked to Joe in the Letters department, he told us that for 22 years now he's been stuck mostly in the office answering letters from all around the world that usually begin with, "I never in a thousand years believed this would happen to me..."

Harry then told us that Playguy also warned them against the fakers. These are people in their 4th or 5th year that begin saying they need to rely more on their sense of touch to really do their job right.

Back at Playguy, we asked a department head how Hefner had made it so long?

"Hefner does fine. He's had over 20 eye operations and transplants, among his other "transplants". Actually, for the past five years it's the females wearing clothing that get him all stirred up."

One more thing we learned is that the models themselves aren't quite the same in person. With all the make-up and air-brushing specialists plus the right photographers, they really do a bang-up job.

"Just for fun, we gave them a fifty-year-old balding hairy male to see what they could do", stated the department head. "He was last November's centerfold with the turkey."

"Remember, not all of these people are photographers. We employ up to three writers during the year."

Something for all of us to think about as we drove away, stopping eight times to clean our foggy windshield and glasses.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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