Music Royalty will be in attendance at the funeral of Michael Jackson. Aretha Franklin, the Queen of Soul, and Elvis Presley, the King of Rock, will both sing.
Aretha, who has ballooned to over 600 pounds, will arrive in the back of a semi truck (with a "wide load" escort vehicle behind) after traveling from performing at the Capitol Fourth show on PBS.
Elvis Presley will be delivered by a UFO, which will pick him up at a Duncan Donuts in Ohio. It should be noted that he is also the former Father in law of Michael Jackson.
There is no word yet on which songs will be sung at the Royal Funeral. Said a Jackson family spokesman, "No one nose...er...I mean knows."
The Vienna Boys Choir is scheduled to perform. All of the singers will be dressed in diapers and wear halos and angelic wings "like baby new year." Fortunately, as Jackson was not Catholic, no Priests will be in attendance.